Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?
12.06.2025 12:23
It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.
I was tired of trying and failing.
This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.
Billy Joel attempted suicide twice and fell into coma after affair with friend's wife - KOMO
I was tired of fighting.
It’s here now, writing to you.
So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”
But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.
It’s still here.
It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.
How do I become an intelligent man?
Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.
Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.
When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.
What is a sermon to talk about men?
What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.
What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.
So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.
Nuclear rocket engine for Moon and Mars - European Space Agency
You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.
The sadness was still there.
Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.
A Japanese lander crashed on the Moon after losing track of its location - Ars Technica
I had run out of hope.
It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.
You are like me, then.
Do most narcissists have good intentions as long as you are under their control?
It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.
Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.
Be who you already are.
Derek Jeter Shares Brutal Reality for Yankees After Dodgers Loss - Sports Illustrated
In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.
And the sadness?
Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.
Is modular building a fix for NY's housing crisis? State officials hope so. - Gothamist
But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.
For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.